


Speak To Me With That Lying Mouth Of Yours

by ObliqueOptimism



Series: I'll Dance Til I Die [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Ghost Empath Klaus, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Not Beta Read, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:49:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21724780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObliqueOptimism/pseuds/ObliqueOptimism
Summary: Klaus was trying so hard to be good, to not be afraid. But how could you not be afraid when someone could rewrite you?
Relationships: Dave/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: I'll Dance Til I Die [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602607
Comments: 62
Kudos: 442
Collections: Dark Fics and Horror Stories





	Speak To Me With That Lying Mouth Of Yours

**Author's Note:**

> so other than like 1k i wrote all of this in like 24 hours. i am pretty happy with how this turned out tbh, especially since i didn't have much of a plan for it. giant thanks to remus for dealing with me when i stressed out over this and helped talk me through stuff instead of sleeping. love you bumblebae.

For as long as Klaus could remember, his powers — the Ghosts would Consume him. They held him hostage with no ransom, They dug their claws into him and didn’t intend to let go, They took him over in a way he couldn’t describe. 

Klaus wasn’t sure if his family knew and ignored or if they were ignorant. _It’s just Klaus, getting emotional again. Klaus, the drama queen. Klaus, who can’t control his emotions and wears his heart on his sleeve._

At one point Grace told him he might be Bipolar. Reginald never had him tested for it. No son of his would have a mental illness, _thank you_. Klaus tried to explain to Grace that they weren’t his emotions but they were Their Emotions. (She did not bring up Dissociative Identity Disorder to his father, but she asked Klaus if They were part of Him.)

They were not part of him.

When Ghosts were near, he could tell what They were feeling. Empathy. He knew when They were Sad, Angry, Hopeful, Scared. But when They tried to touch him, when They reached out, when Their skin went through his? Their Emotions became his. He’d be Sad, Angry, Hopeful, Scared. As long as They touched him he was tied with Them. The two of them would be woven together, Klaus having trouble knowing why he was so Mad but he was, and he needed to Rip, Tear, Destroy anything (often himself). He’d try to get away, jump backwards, out of Their reach, feeling scared. 

Look what They did to him. He was scared of what They would do. But he wouldn’t be scared for long, not if They had Their way. Not if they forced Their Emotions onto him. His fear would be gone and he would be left with the burning Emotions of Them. 

(They all felt so powerfully. His emotions had never been like Theirs. But he wanted it to stop. He wanted to be numb.)

Then Reginald threw him in the Mausoleum. And there were so many of Them and They crowded around him and They pushed to be the one Touching him. He couldn’t control anything. What he Did, how he Felt, what he Said. There were so many and They were so Angry. Reginald came back and asked if he was still afraid. He wasn’t. There was no room for his fear, he was full to the brim with Them and their Emotions. He still wanted out, and away, and as soon as he could feel like himself again, he would be afraid.

_How could you not be afraid when someone could rewrite you?_

“You have to learn how to separate Their Emotions from yours,” Grace said, cleaning the dirt and tears off his face. “You can’t let them overwhelm you. Let them pass through you and leave just you and your emotions.”

That was easier said than done.

Other than the Mausoleum the worst was meal times. He couldn’t escape. No running away from the Ghosts, and no voicing Their Feelings. There wasn't any talking at meal times, Number Four. But sometimes, _sometimes_ , They were too much.

And he was Angry. The Ghost wouldn’t stop yelling and Touching and he was _Angry_ so now Klaus was Angry, “Fuck off!” 

Everyone froze.

“Number Four!” Reginald said.

Klaus turned to him, “Don’t you fucking start!”

“Number Four!” Reginald stood up and set his glare on Klaus.

Klaus was so Angry. He didn’t want to be Angry. He wished he could apologize and go back to eating. He wanted to hide from his father. He didn’t want his father to punish him because he was Angry. 

He dug his fingers into his thigh. _”What?!”_ Klaus thought he maybe cut into his skin with his nails. He idly hoped he wasn’t bleeding much. In the back of his head, where his real emotions were, he thought about Grace having to bleach to white knee high socks. The image made him-- made him--

He was Angry.

“Go to your room! We will discuss your punishment later,” Reginald dismissed him. “Grace, leave his food but escort him to his room. He isn’t to eat until the morning.”

Klaus was more than happy to leave. As he did, the Ghost fell a step behind him. He was himself again. Scared. Relieved. Frightened.

He was going to get in trouble.

“Where did you learn that word?” Grace asked, sitting beside him on his bed and holding his hand.

He liked it when she did that. He felt safer.

“Which word?”

“ _Fuck_ , dear,” Grace rubbed her thumb over the top of his hand.

“Should I not know it? A lot Ghosts say it,” Klaus shrugged. “I thought I used it right.”

She gave a small smile, “I believe you did. But it’s considered a bad word.”

So he was bad for saying it. He nodded. That made sense. He’d already wondered if there was something wrong with him. Not Bipolar or DID like Grace had first thought, but the fact that the Ghosts replaced him so easily meant he wasn’t supposed to be there, right? Otherwise he would be able to work through their Emotions and not let them take over, like they had mere moments ago.

He’d been so Angry.

He felt tears gather at his eyes. He didn’t like being Angry. It wasn’t him! He didn’t mean to be bad! He was sorry. 

Grace gathered him in her arms and hugged him tight.

He was so glad she wasn’t a Ghost. She could hug him without overwhelming him. Her hugs were so nice. They helped calm him, center himself. Like she said he should do, to get rid of Them.

He didn’t feel broken when she hugged him. He knew who he was. No confusion coming from her. He didn’t know her feelings. He was still himself. 

Mind, only Ghosts showed their Emotions to him. Reginald? His siblings? They were like Grace. They were safe. But Klaus wasn’t dumb, no sir. Soon Reginald was going to have them go out and save people. Kill people. Soon his siblings would be murderers. He knew it had to be done, to help save the world, but it still--

There weren’t many Ghosts in the Academy so far. 

He knew that would change.

They’ve been training.

 _He’d_ been trained.

“What happened tonight?” Grace asked. 

“I was so Angry,” Klaus sniffled, fingers clinging to Grace, _his mom_. 

“But were _you_ angry? Or was it Them? Hm?” She brushed his hair out of his face. 

“I can’t keep Them out like you said,” Klaus cried. “I’m sorry mom. I can’t do it. I’m wrong. I’m bad.”

She hushed him, “You aren’t bad, my love.”

“I’m bad,” Klaus protested. He knew he was. He’d said a bad word. He couldn't keep Them away. He was bad. 

_He was bad._

And he proved it later, how bad he was.

Later, when an alcoholic ghost wouldn’t _leave him alone_ and he really Needed A Drink. Reginald had many places where he could get His Drink. And as the Ghost bothered him he helped himself to those drinks. 

“Drink it up. _Good boy_ ,” the Ghost petted the top of his head in approval.

Klaus wanted to ignore the Ghost, not do like He Wanted but now he was _a good boy_. He Needed A Drink and he was a _good boy_ for Drinking? That was nice. It was also true. And an Adult told him. So it had to be true. 

So he Drank.

And He Went Away.

and he went away?

Klaus was himself again. He sat the now empty glass down. He felt a bit funny, but the Ghost was Gone. Was that because he’d done as the Ghost wanted? Maybe he just needed to do what They said, what They Felt like doing and then They would go away?

He wouldn’t have to be Angry anymore. Or Sad. Confused. Hateful. He could be him, after a moment of doing what They wanted. Help Them move on. The Ghost had wanted another drink, and now He sort of had one through Klaus so He Went Away.

He’d said Klaus was a good boy. If he did this for the others, he could continue being a good boy? Reginald maybe wouldn’t punish him if he explained when he did bad things, like saying ‘fuck’ it was to help the Ghosts move on. He was working with his powers, like Reginald always wanted.

He wouldn’t be bad.

He would be good.

But then later, the Ghost was Back. He hadn’t moved on. The Ghost was Back and He _wanted a drink_. 

They did their first mission.

Officially, it was a success.

But if you asked Klaus, it was a mixed success. Sure, they had saved the hostages but they came home with so many Ghosts. As they waited to be dismissed, the Ghosts yelled and grabbed and pulled and Klaus Hated his family and he Hated himself and he Hated his father and he was Dead and it was His Fault and He and his family needed to Pay. He’d Ruin them, he’d Wreck them, he’d Destroy them.

Then they were dismissed.

And Klaus ran to his room as fast as he could, slamming the door behind him. Not that it would stop Them. He was so afraid of what They would do when They caught up to him. He didn’t want to Harm himself or his family but They did and he would fall prey to Them. 

There was nothing he could do to stop Them.

To stop himself.

Unless he did Harm himself. He knew about suicide, he’d met a number of Ghosts who had filled him with the Want to end it. Klaus wasn’t dumb, no sir. If he became one of Them he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone he cared about. 

He started thinking up a plan. A way to do it before They found him.

Only then he saw Him, the alcoholic.

Last time Klaus drank, all the Ghosts were gone for a while. Maybe he wouldn’t have to hurt himself. Maybe he could just have something to drink (be a good boy) and he wouldn’t have to worry about Them. By the time the alcohol was out of his system hopefully some of Them would have moved on.

Dodging the Ghosts he made his way down to the bar and grabbed the first bottle he saw, drinking straight from it, chugging it as fast as he could.

This would keep Them away.

And he was right, They were kept away.

Then he sobered up and felt sick. He had drank a lot. He’d thrown up in his sleep and again in the morning but at least he hadn’t Harmed anyone. It was worth it. To make sure his family was safe from him. From Them. 

_See? He was a good boy._

“What you did was wrong,” Reginald said, staring down at Klaus, disgust on his face. “You were very bad last night, drinking that. I will think of your punishment later.”

“But, sir--”

“No, Number Four. Now go clean up your mess and then yourself. I don’t want to see you until I have decided how you will be punished,” Reginald turned and walked away.

If only he could explain. He was trying to help. He was trying to be good.

The next night Klaus drank again.

And again.

And again.

_And again._

And just once more, They won’t leave him alone, They’re so Mad, They want someone to Pay. And he’d pay the toll, but he wouldn't let his family get hurt along the way. He’d deal with feeling Their Emotions, Their Screams, Their Cries. He’d put on a brave face (when They let him) and be a good boy.

It was worst at night.

When he couldn’t see Who was there. How could he dodge Them and stay out of Their way if he couldn’t see Them? So he started leaving the lights on in his room (unless he drank) but Reginald did not approve of that. 

Grace spoke of a night light. Something that kept the darkness away. 

The first night he snuck out was very scary. He had to dodge so many new Ghosts who wanted to Be him. But he made it to a store and found night lights. 

He was bad and stole it.

Klaus hoped that the punishment for getting a night light would be less than for drinking.

The night light was confiscated.

The second light, the fairy lights, the lamps, the third, fourth, more fairy lights, candles, setting his homework on fire on the plate for light for _just long enough_ \--

Reginald gave up.

Told him he was weak, for his fear. A stupid, bad boy.

“Afraid of ghosts, of his powers, of the dark. _Useless Number Four._ ”

He didn’t mean to, he promised, he was sorry, but he couldn’t play with anyone. They were all killers now. Even Vanya had Ghosts following her, so Scared whenever they ate oatmeal. Ben though, he had the most. Klaus loved his family, he needed to protect them from himself, and to do that he had to stay away. 

Unless he drank before hand, that was.

But the more Klaus drank, the more he had to consume to get Them to go away. 

It had to be worth it though, he was tired of seeing Ben look hurt and sad when Klaus would see him and turn the other way. So Klaus had to drink and drink more 

and more.

(Was he a bad boy? Or a good boy? It was so hard to tell.)

During that time, when he was trying to be good and not drink as much for the punishments were getting bad, he accidentally let One of Them get too close to him. But this One just wanted to Be Pretty. He found himself in Allison’s closet, putting on a skirt, some lipstick, but not her shoes. They didn’t fit. Grace’s maybe would. 

With the Ghost leading him, he put Grace’s heels on and looked in the mirror.

He was _so pretty_. 

The Ghost stepped back and Klaus found himself feeling just as happy to be so pretty. He gently touched the lipstick, trying not to smear it. The Ghost had taught him some on how to put it on. She had Scoffed at Allison’s eye shadow and Grace didn’t let her have mascara, so Klaus had only used the lipstick.

He liked how he felt. 

He was a pretty boy.

Giggling, he felt so happy. So right. _Properly himself_. More like himself than he ever had before. He had never felt so much like himself. Even when there were no Ghosts around to cloud his feelings. He did a spin and laughed at how the skirt flared out.

So pretty.

He was such a pretty boy.

Then he fell down the stairs.

And Klaus found out alcohol wasn’t the only thing that got rid of Ghosts.

He’d raid the alcohol, he’d sneak into the medical wing, he stole lights.

He was trying to be good, honest he was. He was sorry he had to be bad to do it.

“Hey kid, what are you doin’ out here alone?” A gruff voice asked.

Alive. The person was alive, “I had to get a night light.”

“Afraid of the dark, kid?” He chuckled.

“Something like that,” Klaus agreed. (The pills he took earlier were wearing off, he had to get home and take more.)

“I got something that will help with that. First ones free.”

Klaus paused. Turned, “What is it?”

“Just some weed,” the dealer shrugged. “Everyone your age is smokin’ weed.”

Klaus scoffed, “I don’t smoke.”

The man paused, catching something in Klaus’s tone, “You take something else?”

The pills were wearing off. “Just alcohol. Pills sometimes.”

“A little baby like you? _Taking pills?_ Tell you what, I’ve got some pills here. I’ll give you some of those and some weed. Teach you to smoke. It’ll relax you more than your night light ever could.”

Klaus thought. He’d get two things for free. That sounded nice. Plus, Grace had been moving the pain medicine lately, he kept having to search for it each time he needed to restock.

He had to keep his family safe from him. From Them.

He made the deal.

Pot was lovely. His new little pills were better.

He was able to keep his family safe while still hanging out with them. His new friend would take stolen nicknacks from the house as payment, showed Klaus how to roll a joint, gave him some pills that did lasted longer than the stuff he stole from the house. Longer than the alcohol. 

He could spend time with his siblings. No longer did he have to turn away from them. But then they started turning their backs to him. They’d see him coming and this time they would turn around. They would scoff, tell him he was dumb for what he was doing.

But he was keeping them safe. Didn’t they see that? He was a good boy! 

_Wasn’t he?_

Sure, Diego would try to get him to eat bugs. Allison would paint his nails. Five talked a lot about his theories. Ben shared books. Vanya would play violin for him. Luther was the first to declare that he wouldn’t hang out with him, because Klaus was bad and Luther wasn’t.

Then the time his siblings gave him became less and less.

(Five ran away.)

The punishments got worse. He couldn’t see Five. He couldn’t see any of Them. When he stopped to see if he could see Five it hurt. His body hurt. Obviously because he was bad for not drinking or taking his pretty little pills? But he wanted to see Five, he missed Five. Not that he missed Five for long, They had missed him and They came running towards him, crowding him.

Before he had taken more pills he had Clawed at himself, Set Fire to his Possessions, Wrote on the Walls, Painted his Nails, Danced in his Underwear, tried to Drown himself. 

As soon as he could, he found his dealer, “I need something stronger. Something that will keep Them away.”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “okay kid. _I’m going to blow your mind._ ”

Luther looked down at him. Diego scoffed at his drinking and drugs. Allison had less and less time for him. (Five was Gone.) Ben gave him cold looks and a cold shoulder. Vanya wished she had powers like him.

It was too bad that in order to be a good boy, he had to be a bad boy.

“Bro, lay off the drugs. Think you can do that for once? You almost burnt the wing of the house down.” 

He had laid off the drugs though. And because of Them he’d almost burnt the wing down. “Nah, _bro_. I don’t think I will,” waggling his eyebrows he lit a joint and took a deep drag. The coke from earlier making him buzz.

Ben died.

Ben Died.

_ben died_

Ben was--

One of Them.

“Listen, I know you don’t like me--” Ben said, stepping closer.

“No, no, no, no, shut up, shut up,” Klaus flinched, backing up, going to his stash. He riffled through it, looking for his strongest drugs, ignoring the Worry coming from Ben who was Still There when No One Else Was. “Nope, not dealing with this, nope, no, no, no.”

“--Please talk to me!”

“Later Ben!” Klaus prepped the needle after taking a bump of coke. 

“Don’t do that!” Ben reached out, Touching him.

Klaus dropped the needle. He jumped backwards, “Don’t touch me, asshole!” He picked the needle back up. Blew the dirt off the end of it.

“I said stop!” Ben Touched him again.

“Fuck!” Klaus dropped it, then he stomped on it, like Ben had Wanted to do. 

Ben was so Surprised he backed up.

“Please, leave,” Klaus begged, curling up on the floor, his bare feet picking up the needle and broken glass. “Please, please, please. I just want to be a good boy. _Please._ ”

Ben reached out, trying to be comforting, “Klaus--”

“ _Please, please, please-- I can’t, Ben. Please god._ Kill me now, let me die. Let me die. Let me die. _Please._ ”

Ben backed away.

Klaus ended up getting a pill, his needle still stuck in his foot.

Ben was Disappointed.

He was Disappointed a lot.

He also never went away. Not when Klaus took and took and took and drank on top of all that, waking up in an ambulance, Knowing exactly how Distraught Ben was. 

“Overdosing would be bad enough, but to do with while at one of your _parties_ , off Academy grounds. Number Four, you will be severely punished. Go wait in your room while I make preparations.”

Klaus giggled, going to his room. He _was not_ going to stay. He packed a bag, telling Ben to stop Worrying, he knew what he was doing. He made sure there was three to five feet between himself and Ben at all times. When he could, that was. Ben and his Worry helped, pointing out a few items Klaus should take with him. 

Then he set out.

Down and out.

He’d gotten comfortable out on the streets. He’d made friends, he knew his way around, he had stayed out all night more than once. Running away wouldn’t be that different, would it?

It was different with Ben there, beside him, reaching out towards him. Mad (at him), Sad (at watching Klaus do these things), Disappointment (at him). Obviously Klaus didn’t have to learn to read Ben’s body language and facial expressions to know what he Felt.

After all

Ben was one of Them now

And forever.

So Klaus kept up with the drugs as best he could. There were so many of Them out and about, it was bad enough being around Ben, staying out of Ben’s Reach. Flinching when Ben tried to Touch him, knowing Ben’s Disappointment, His Hatred, His Hurt. But at least when he stayed out of Reach he only Knew how Ben Felt. He didn’t have to Feel Ben’s Hatred towards Klaus. He hated himself enough as it was, he didn’t want to add Ben’s Hatred as well.

He tried to find shelters, hostels, people’s sofas, a bus station, hotels and motels. Ben being Sad, Disappointed, Hurt, most of the time. Klaus got it, but he was better out here. Without Reginald’s punishments. 

He’d take other people’s punishments. It never hurt or harmed as much as Reginald’s did. When they ignored him asking for them to stop, when they took, when they forced, when they broke him. It was better.

Besides, sometimes their punishments came with his job.

“You’re a pretty boy, aren’t you?”

Why yes, thanks for noticing. 

He was a pretty boy.

“You’re such a bad boy, aren’t you?”

Why yes, thanks for noticing.

He was a bad boy.

“You’re such a good boy, aren’t you?”

Why yes, thanks for noticing.

He was a good boy.

He tried _so hard_ to be a good boy.

Ben didn’t think he was a good boy. Ben was Disgusted. Ben was Hateful. Ben was Afraid. But he was never Proud, Happy, Loving. Why was he still there if he Hated Klaus that much? Did he want Klaus to pay? Like all the Others did? 

Klaus sat down next to a familiar face on the subway, “Hi, Vanya.”

She smiled at him, looking surprised.

The subway was very full. Ben was Touching him. Ben Missed Vanya. Klaus missed her, but not like Ben Did. Klaus held reservations, she had turned her back on him, but she hadn’t to Ben and Ben was Here and Ben’s Emotions were his emotions and he Missed her So Much. 

“How are you?” Vanya asked, looking him over, taking her scarf off and handing it over.

“I Miss you,” he mumbled. Ben was Thankful for the scarf,” Thank you for this, its very soft.”

“How are you, Klaus? Really? Do you have a place?” Vanya asked, being kind to him.

“I’m fine, my dear. Don’t you worry about lil’ ol’ me,” Klaus plastered on a smile. Ben was Mad, he was Hurt, he Wanted Klaus to Tell the Truth. He swallowed and clenched his fist, trying to work through Ben’s Anger and Judgement. 

He wasn’t going to take out Ben’s Anger on her. He would be a good boy and take all of the Anger. His hand started to feel sticky and wet, probably cut his palm open with his fingernails again. 

“If you say so,” she didn’t seem to believe him.

“I do,” Klaus replied in a short tone. The Anger was slipping through. He had to leave before he couldn’t hold it back. The subway came to a stop. “It was wonderful seeing you,” He took the scarf off, quickly handing it over, idly noting the blood he left on it. “We’ll catch up later.”

He ran out.

Ben was Pissed but now he wasn’t sharing the same space as Klaus and Klaus could be himself again.

“Why didn’t you tell her the truth! You’re not doing good, Klaus!” (He was a bad boy.) “She wanted to help!”

“No she didn’t. She never has, Benny,” Klaus sighed. Ben was Upset with him. “None of you cared much to help me.”

Ben was Hurt and Ashamed. Probably because he remembered how he turned his back on Klaus when all Klaus was doing was keeping them all safe. They all shut him out. 

“You shut us out first!” Ben yelled, pushing at Klaus. Klaus felt Anger rolling towards him but he flinched out of the way, the Anger changed slightly, a different flavor of Anger. “You shut us out first, Klaus.”

Klaus scoffed. He’d been protecting them from Them. There had been so many Ghosts. “I didn’t want to shut any of you out. I had to shut _myself_ away.”

Ben paused, Confused, “What do you mean?”

Klaus gestured to Ben’s stomach, “Your little rage monster made plenty of friends for me. They were so Mad and loud and They Wanted all of us dead. I couldn’t--” He glanced at his hands. Good Bye was covered in blood. 

Hurt, Confusion, Simmering Anger, “You started reaching out after you found drugs.”

“But no one wanted me. _Such a bad boy,_ ” Klaus giggled.

Ben held up a hand, Klaus flinched. The hand dropped. Ben could keep his Hatred and Disappointment to himself, _thank you._

His pills were wearing off. He reached into his pocket and pulled some out, swallowing them even though they were covered in his blood.

Ben was a little bit nicer to him after that. Klaus wondered if it was fake because he was still Hurt, Disappointed, Angry, Hateful, Exasperated, Sad. But sometimes he was Worried, Amused, Contemplative. So maybe it wasn’t all fake. 

But for some reason, this new Ben, this _Caring_ Ben wanted to get all up in his space and try and be comforting even though he couldn’t physically touch him, even though Klaus always flinched away.

He’d OD’d once, trying to get Ben to go away.

And it wasn’t like he was a good boy anymore.

(Had he ever been?)

But he was a bad boy, a _pretty boy_ and he could get what he wanted. Let people take what they wanted. He was barely a person anyway. He’d never been a real person. He hoped that when he died he could just be himself for once. No one else. 

He took and took and took and lost days and days and days and

Woke up in an ambulance.

Makin’ memories.

He got locked away again, only this time it wasn’t one of Reginald’s punishments. It was rehab.

It hurt.

Not just physically, with the withdrawals and cravings, but there were a lot of Ghosts there.

Ben sighed, watching Klaus weave around Them, keeping his limbs as close to himself as he could, out of reach. 

“You know,” Ben was Exasperated and Annoyed, “you don’t have to dodge around all the ghosts, Klaus. I know you see us but the living think its weird and it doesn’t hurt us when you walk through us.”

Klaus shot a look at Ben, sitting down in a corner of the main room. He’d see if any of Them were coming, “Doesn’t hurt you, but it hurts me.”

“What?” Ben’s feelings felt Hollow. It hurt, the Hollowness that flowed from Ben.

“Hargreeves!” an orderly yelled at him, “Talking to some ghost?”

Klaus winked, “You know it, can’t keep Them away. They just can’t get enough of this bad boy!”

The orderly laughed and went on his way.

“Klaus,” Ben reached out, sounding broken. He felt Confused and Hurt.

Klaus flinched, “Don’t touch me. Please, _don’t touch me._ ”

Ben’s hand retracted. He was Devastated, “Klaus, can you please explain. What do you mean it hurts?”

Klaus shrugged, “You know how it is, Benny. S’why I gotta have drugs you know? So it’s just me in here,” he gestured to himself. “I don’t at all like being violated like that.”

Confused, Ben asked, “Like what? You need to explain it to me. I don’t know Klaus.” His hand shifted like he aborted reaching out and stopped himself. 

Klaus frowned, “I know how They feel. I can feel Ghosts Emotions when they’re close but when they _touch me_ I can’t-- You all Feel So Much. I’m no longer me when You touch. I’m Them. I’m You. My feelings are shoved deep down, out of reach. I get taken over by Their Emotions and that’s why I know I’m not real. I am made up of Ghosts’ Emotions and I am powerless to stop them. Unless there are no Ghosts around.”

“The drugs,” Ben whispered. 

“I can be myself for always when They aren’t around. It’s nice,” Klaus shrugged, trying to ignore Ben’s Devastated Hurt. His Anger.

“You hate it when I touch you,” Ben said.

“I already know how much You Hate me, Benny. I don’t need to actually Feel it too,” Klaus rolled his eyes and shot a small smile at him. 

The most overwhelming Hurt, Anger, Sadness, Disappointment came in waves to Klaus. “I don’t hate you,” Ben sounded broken.

“Oh? I’m a Ghost Empath Ben. I Know every time how much you Hate me, are Disappointed in me, are Mad at me. And it’s fine, I get it. I do. _I’m a wretched boy_.”

The Hurt and Pain got deeper. Klaus tilted his head in confusion. He’d never felt any of Them Feel so Intensely. He had thought he’d felt how Powerful They could Feel but it was nothing compared to what Ben Felt at this moment.

Ben looked like he was about to cry, “None of that Hatred is directed at You. It’s always at the people taking advantage of You. Sometimes I am Annoyed at You, but that’s the worst it gets, Klaus. And it’s a brotherly Annoyance. Never Hatred. Fuck, Klaus,” Ben ran a hand through his hair. “ _Fuck._ ”

“You don’t Hate me?” Klaus asked hesitantly. “You Hate the people around me?”

“That’s right. You’re my brother, Klaus. I Don’t Like seeing You treated badly but You let Them and I’m Mad at Them, I’m Sad for You. I’m so Sorry that I never understood. God, how often I reached out to You-- the Ghosts that must have followed me home from missions. Shit,” _Ben didn’t go to reach out._

Klaus shrugged, “All a boy can do is drugs.”

From there, Ben didn’t try to grab him anymore. He was more than Happy to keep the three to five feet distance. He didn’t Complain as much about the drugs and alcohol. And then--

“I’m Mad at him, not you.”

“I'm Angry at the situation.”

“I am Disappointed in You but it’s a normal amount. Fuck, Klaus, You just snorted glitter and tried to fight a squirrel.” 

“Yeah, and I fucking won!”

“No. You _really_ didn’t.”

It was nice.

But his life wasn’t always nice, only Ben was. He was a bad boy. A pretty boy. (He wished so badly to be a good boy.)

Kyle held him down, told him how much of a bad boy he was. How much of a pretty boy he was. (He knew.) Kyle was going to help himself. He always helped himself. Klaus hardly ever bothered fighting back anymore. Much to Ben’s Distress.

“I swear to god, Klaus, if You do not try to fight back I will put that Fighting Spirit in You,” Ben declared.

He’d threatened such Things before but he never went through with it. Klaus smiled at Ben and rolled his eyes. 

Kyle’s hands started unbuttoning his pants but then, before they got pulled down, his pants buttoned back up and Kyle had transformed into Diego. 

Diego patted his cheek, trying to make sure Klaus kept his eyes on him, not on Ben who was Thankful and Happy and kept repeating how Grateful he was to Diego. “Jesus, Klaus. How much did you take?”

“Hm? Oh, um. _I_ only had three pills but _Kyle_ stuck me with something. He does that y’know. Likes me pliant. No Fighting Spirit! Ha!” Klaus giggled. 

“He _what._ ”

“M’thirsty. Can I get water with a lemon?”

“Yeah, Klaus. We’ll get you water with lemon,” Diego said, helping him up. 

Klaus leaned into Diego, giving a happy hum, “Did you kill Kyle?”

“He should,” Ben snarled with Anger.

“I should,” Diego snarled with anger.

Klaus laughed, “New mind reading powers!”

Diego ignored him. Which made sense. As he had explained to Ben, everyone had given up on him. He was a bad boy. “Am I a good boy?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Diego said, helping him in a car. His car probably.

That wasn’t what he’d asked. So that was a no. Klaus nodded in agreement. Ben sighed from the backseat, “You’re good, Klaus.”

“You’re dead. You don’t get an opinion,” Klaus said, trying to buckle up. His hands weren’t working. One of his fingers got tangled in the metal part of the seat belt. Diego’s warm hand helped free him. “ _Danke_.”

Diego muttered something about a hospital but much to Klaus’s pleasure, he didn’t take him there. He took him to his place. Klaus assumed it was Diego’s anyway. It was different than the last time he was over. But it smelled like Diego and the bed was the same. 

“Here,” Diego had to help Klaus hold the glass of water (no lemon) because his hands still weren’t working. “You’re a mess bro. What did he stick you with.”

“Who?”

“Kyle,” Diego said.

Klaus tensed. Was he around? He wasn’t really feeling like being Kyle’s bad boy, Kyle’s pretty boy. 

“He’s not here,” Ben said. Kyle couldn’t have been. Ben was Calm, Ben was Never Calm when Kyle was near.

Kyle wasn’t here. He was safe. Diego was here. Ben was here. No Kyle. He was safe. “I don’t much care for Kyle,” Klaus announced.

“Me neither,” Diego said, taking Klaus’s boots off. “Your soles on these are getting worn.”

“Yes,” Klaus nodded. “My soul's worn thin and They Know it. They like how thin my soul is.”

Diego helped wash him up and in the morning Klaus thanked him by stealing Diego’s combat boots. His were getting worn out.

Klaus know that whenever Kyle was around, or someone like Kyle, that Ben was Tempted to put the Fighting Spirit in him. To reach out and make Klaus Want to Fight. But Ben was worried that Klaus would lose the fight anyway, so he never did it.

Not then.

Not with that.

But that wasn’t what was happening. It was a panic attack. A flashback? His mind kept coming to the punishments Reginald would give him. He couldn’t breathe and he didn’t know where he was for sure but Ben was there and while He was Worried, He was also Very Calm. He’d do that, since he Found Out. He’d work on bringing out whatever Emotion he thought would be good for Klaus.

(Because Klaus wasn’t a good boy, but Ben was.)

And this time

_This time_

Ben reached out

And Klaus was Calm. He could Breathe Again. He could think Clearly. It was novel. It was nice. For once his cursed powers came in handy. He could get used to this. He sighed, Feeling Calm. Feeling Safe.

After a few minutes, Ben let go and watched him with wide eyes.

Ben had let go.

He had reached out and now

He let go.

Ben felt Accomplished. Glad he Helped. He smiled at Klaus, Proud.

“What the fuck, Ben!” Klaus yelled, wrapping his arms around himself.

“You almost passed out from your panic!” Ben defended. “I’m sorry, but you--”

“You know I don’t like Feelings Forced on me,” Klaus whispered. Sure, it had Calmed him but now? Especially since he’d told Ben how he felt about his powers? He felt violated. 

All Klaus wanted in life was to be himself. Truly himself and No One Else. That shouldn’t be that hard of a task. Everyone else got to be themselves all the time, why wasn’t he allowed? 

Why couldn’t he have been a real boy? 

Why did he have to Break Ben’s Heart and tell him that he’d done more Harm than Good? Why did Ben die instead of him? He should have died. What would happen when an imaginary boy died?

“I”m Sorry, Klaus. I didn’t think, I didn’t mean too--”

Klaus sighed, “I Know You’re Sorry. It’s fine, just-- don’t do it again? Please.”

“I promise.”

When Reginald died Klaus really hoped he never showed up like Ben did, he didn’t want to deal with Reginald’s Feelings (or lack thereof).

By the time Five showed up, he knew that he was either actually there or he was a hallucination. He couldn’t tell what Five was Feeling so he wasn’t one of Them. 

If he was a hallucination, Klaus would wonder what Kyle stuck him with this time. Never had he seen Five. 

So Five was real.

He was a real boy.

Good, someone should be.

(Only Five wasn’t a boy anymore was he? He was almost double their age. He was an old man in a young man’s body. There was a violence and desperation Klaus was grateful that he couldn’t feel.)

He was grabbed, nabbed, natched, _taken away_ and they had all turned their backs on him when they were kids, no way would they realize he wasn’t home. He’d finally find out what happened when an imaginary boy died.

Ben was Tempted to Reach Out to Klaus, during the torture, during his flashbacks while locked in the closet. But he kept his word and Kept His Hands To Himself. 

The Other Ghosts? They weren’t as Kind.

Grabby, Angry, Sad.

It was like he was a child again, locked away in the mansion, getting punished for his powers. Even in rehab, he hadn’t been around So Many at once in years. It was overwhelming.

Or

It would have been

If he could have been a real boy

But he was a bad boy

And this was his punishment

(He deserved it, didn’t he?)

But he somehow got free, got away, hugging a briefcase to his chest. He’d heard gunshots and hoped that it was the masked fuckers an not the nice cop. There were so few nice cops, he’d like to keep some of them around. 

Thankfully drugs were easy to get in the War. But there were so many of Them that they couldn’t block Them All out. Most of Them, but not All. But These? They were Vengeful, Suffering, Anguished. With Their Help, he could easily shoot his gun.

At night They’d leave him alone. During downtime They’d leave him alone. During R&R They’ leave him alone.

So he got to know Dave as himself. Not as Them.

And Dave?

Made him feel like a good boy.

A beautiful boy.

He was there when They took over and helped Klaus through it, he was there to kiss away tears, he was there and he loved Klaus. Somehow, he loved Klaus.

Not even Ben loved Klaus. (He’d know.) 

Klaus was aware that he loved Dave more than Dave loved him. He’d thought for years he was an unlovable creature, but he was pleasantly surprised to find that he was wrong. Someone loved him. He could be a real boy.

He had to be a real boy if Dave loved him.

The way Dave held him and touched him he knew he had to be somewhat good. If someone like Dave could stomach loving him? He was a good boy.

Fears finally put to rest, Klaus now had an answer.

_He was a good boy._

Too bad Dave was a Dead Boy.

too bad

so sad

So very sad.

When he came home, he knew he had lost part of himself. He was an incomplete boy now. Would he ever be whole again?

It was a possibility.

He could talk to Ghosts after all. 

But he had thought that They Felt powerfully. He hadn’t realized, he hadn’t known how deeply he could feel. He was consumed. It burned him up, his loss. Even if Ben would Touch him, Klaus doubted that Ben’s Emotions would even begin to take him over.

He was himself now. 

Why had he ever wanted this?

Someone touch him, Fill him Up with Their Emotions, Take Away his pain.

“Ben, we need to find all my stashes. We’re getting sober,” Klaus announced.

“Wait, what?” Ben was Surprised.

“Did I just hear you say what I thought you said?” Diego came around the corner, into his room.

Klaus looked up, “Sure. Ben’s always here.”

“No, I mean, yes. But you’re getting sober, bro?” Diego walked into the room. 

Klaus shrugged, “I’m broken. I need to fix it.”

“You’re not broken,” Ben said, frowning and Worried.

Then there was a family meeting and Klaus felt like shit and Ben was Worried and Vanya showed up and she seemed mad but Klaus was going to be sick. So he walked passed Vanya who was yelling at the others about family and Klaus just

Threw up on a stranger

“Oops, sorry man,” Klaus mumbled, patting him on the shoulder

Vanya came around the corner, fuming. She froze in her spot and took in the scene before her. “Oh my god, Leonard! Are you okay?”

“Shouldn’t we be more worried about if he’s okay?” Leonard asked, holding Klaus up.

Klaus patted Leonard’s face, “Well, aren't you nice.”

“He is,” Vanya said. 

“He has a tiny Reginald in his pocket,” Ben informed Klaus, Confused and Protective.

Klaus, hanging off Leonard, shrugged and reached in the nearby pocket without asking first, “Huh, Ben was right. Why’d you have a daddy in your pocket?”

There was the noise of Five arriving in the other room. He started talking about something. Klaus couldn’t make it out. 

“Why do you have that?” Vanya whispered. 

Leonard squirmed. Klaus gripped him tighter, “If you don’t have an answer, _I will_ throw up on you again.”

Five came around the corner just as a Ghost showed up, Very Mad at Leonard. Which struck Klaus as odd, because last he knew Five should have lots of Ghosts, not the guy who stole daddy. 

“She’s so Mad,” Klaus tilted his head. The Ghost Touched him. Klaus tightened his grip on Leonard, “Y’know what? I’m so Mad too.”

“Klaus! Let go of him!” Vanya yelled, glass in the hallway cracking.

“No! He Murdered Her! He Fucking Murdered Her!” Klaus yelled. He then found himself being pulled back by Luther, the Ghost no longer Touching him. 

“What the fuck?!” Leonard backed up.

“You! You killed Her! She’s So Mad!” Klaus giggled maniacally. 

“Who did he kill?” Five asked.

“Says her name is Helen Cho,” Klaus wasn’t fighting Luther’s grip. He did want some mouthwash though. 

“Klaus, you’re high, you can’t be seeing ghosts,” Luther said. “You’re hallucinating. Apologize for throwing up and attacking this man.”

“No,” Diego appeared beside them, “He’s clean. I helped clean out his stashes.”

Luther let go of him, “Huh.”

“I know Helen,” Vanya whispered.

Everyone turned to her, she was very pale. 

Klaus turned and threw up on Leonard a second time and then things started to explode.

Vanya had powers. Leonard was named Harold. Klaus felt like shit.

It was a very eventful day.

He was ready to pass out that night, but sleep wouldn’t take him. Sighing, he rolled over and could feel Ben’s Worry from across the room. “I’m fine, Benny.”

“Cold turkey isn’t safe. You know that.”

“I thought you wanted me clean,” Klaus moaned.

“I do,” Ben sighed.

Then the day got a little more eventful.

The first clue was how suddenly Klaus felt the _love_ in the room. It swept Ben’s Emotions aside, as if they were Not Important. He’d never Felt so much Warmth and Love.

“Klaus?”

Klaus turned slightly, There, in his room was Dave. He felt tears come to his eyes, “Dave? I did it? It’s really you?”

“It’s really me,” Dave moved forward, reaching out.

Klaus flinched out of habit, only he hadn’t needed to. Dave’s Ghostly Form didn’t go through him. “Sunshine?”

Was Dave Alive? No, he could Feel Dave’s Deep and All Encompassing Love for Klaus. 

“Your hands are glowing,” Dave looked down at where Klaus was holding onto him.

“Oh, that’s a new one,” Klaus said. Astounded that not only was Dave _here_ and _in his arms_ but Klaus still had his own emotions. 

He was a real boy.

A good boy.

**Author's Note:**

> obliqueoptimsim @ tumblr


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